Does Your Wife Need a New Husband?
Strange question, you might be thinking. But I need to tell you that mine did. And according to her own observation, she got one. That kind of statement deserves an explanation.
I’m still thinking about our wives’ beauty and our responsibility to enhance it. There’s nothing I can think of that diminishes a woman’s beauty quicker than having to live with an angry husband. You can see the burden in her countenance, at least when the anger has flared up. And you can see it when she is unfairly blamed for everything that goes wrong in his world. After all, we are all sons of our father, Adam, who blamed Eve for his sin--when he wasn’t blaming God, that is!
For years, many years, I struggled with anger that was intermittently uncontrollable. I told myself it wasn’t all that bad, and most who knew me casually would have agreed. But Pat knew better, and even suggested to me at least once or twice that I get professional help, a suggestion I resisted. I could do this on my own.
I tried different things to gain mastery over the anger, including making a list of all the verses I could find in Proverbs about angry men (an exercise that I’d recommend to anyone who could use some insight in this area), and taking it to my office where I’d read it at least daily. There was some improvement over time, but the most important single factor for me did turn out to be professional help--the help of studying my anger under the guidance of David Powlison at the Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation. The context was a self-counseling project that was done in connection with the foundational course in CCEF’s two year certificate program in Biblical Counseling.
To say the project was helpful would be a huge understatement. One of the most helpful insights was that all my anger (and all yours, too, if you think biblically about it) was and is directed at God. For who is the one Being in all creation big enough to have ordered the details of my life differently--more to my liking? Once I was confronted by that, real progress became not only possible, but necessary. Ultimately it led to my sharing the story in a message I gave at TFC several years ago, and that in itself was a significant part of the process.
More in the next post, including the explanation of my wife’s new husband.
by Tim Bowditch
I’m still thinking about our wives’ beauty and our responsibility to enhance it. There’s nothing I can think of that diminishes a woman’s beauty quicker than having to live with an angry husband. You can see the burden in her countenance, at least when the anger has flared up. And you can see it when she is unfairly blamed for everything that goes wrong in his world. After all, we are all sons of our father, Adam, who blamed Eve for his sin--when he wasn’t blaming God, that is!
For years, many years, I struggled with anger that was intermittently uncontrollable. I told myself it wasn’t all that bad, and most who knew me casually would have agreed. But Pat knew better, and even suggested to me at least once or twice that I get professional help, a suggestion I resisted. I could do this on my own.
I tried different things to gain mastery over the anger, including making a list of all the verses I could find in Proverbs about angry men (an exercise that I’d recommend to anyone who could use some insight in this area), and taking it to my office where I’d read it at least daily. There was some improvement over time, but the most important single factor for me did turn out to be professional help--the help of studying my anger under the guidance of David Powlison at the Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation. The context was a self-counseling project that was done in connection with the foundational course in CCEF’s two year certificate program in Biblical Counseling.
To say the project was helpful would be a huge understatement. One of the most helpful insights was that all my anger (and all yours, too, if you think biblically about it) was and is directed at God. For who is the one Being in all creation big enough to have ordered the details of my life differently--more to my liking? Once I was confronted by that, real progress became not only possible, but necessary. Ultimately it led to my sharing the story in a message I gave at TFC several years ago, and that in itself was a significant part of the process.
More in the next post, including the explanation of my wife’s new husband.
by Tim Bowditch
Labels: Anger, Guest Post, Marriage
posted by Petros at
12:02 AM
3 Comments:
In answer to your question: Yes, sometimes I think my wife needs a new husband-- but not because of anger issues. What she craves is better emotional support. The "business" of living tends to keep us both so occupied, it seems the more essential need for RELATIONSHIP is being neglected by me.
The thought comes to me just now... I have been a Martha towards my wife, when she is longing for a Mary. I do plenty of housework, but she would prefer I leave the dishes and vacuum cleaner alone, and look lovingly into her eyes.
Thanks Tim, for making me face, and re-consider my role as husband.
Peter, thanks for a great example of recognition and application. It would have been easy to blow right past this one since anger isn't your issue. But you chose instead to do what few enough of us do, and that's to see where it does hit home. Your admonition can probably be a great help to many of us who read this. tdb
Kind words, thank you Tim. It just so happened that the issue surfaced this very morning, and "husbanding" was fresh on my mind because of your post. I couldn't help but make the connection.
Looking forward to more on this incredibly important, easily skirted, subject.
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