How to Make Your Wife Beautiful!

Since preaching on beauty of the Lord several weeks ago, a question has rattled around in my mind. It has to do with my role as a husband, and I’d like to pose it to readers of this blog. How do I work to beautify my wife?

I’m not thinking primarily in terms of external beauty here, although my efforts might well have an effect there. Rather, how do I help her to cultivate the inner beauty, what Peter refers to as “the hidden person of the heart--the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious” (1 Peter 3:4)? After all, if I am to love in the way Christ loves the Church, would that not seem reasonable?

Recall that Paul says in Ephesians 5:25-27 that “Christ loved the church--that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish” (emphasis added) Splendor, holy, without blemish--sounds to me like any beauty the Church has is a result of the work of her Savior, and my love is to somehow approximate his, with a similar result.

So think with me about a few related questions:
1. How am I using the Word to cultivate that inner beauty? Am I encouraging her to read Scripture? Am I sharing with her insights the Lord has given me in my own reading? Are we reading together whenever possible? (The reading schedule developed for care groups is a natural place to start, if you aren’t already in the habit of doing this.)

2. Am I working to understand what makes her tick? This is connected, I believe, to Peter’s exhortation, “live with your wives in an understanding way” (1 Peter 3:7). Do I know what brings her heart alive? Do I pray for her heart? Am I looking for opportunities to provide her with quiet time, when she can be alone with the Lover of her soul? (This will be much more of a challenge for husbands whose wives have young children, and I wish I’d done more to provide this for my wife when ours were still young.)

3. Am I aware of her physical needs, such as rest, or relief from chronic pain for example? Or do I assume she functions the same as I do, which is not necessarily a safe assumption? (One suggestion here: ask your wife what household tasks are most demanding, and offer to help ease that load.)

4. Do I engage her in conversations that minister to her soul? Or do we rarely talk about anything other than the kids, or my/our job(s)? (Pat and I love to dream about vacations—we love going away together. But recently we have tried to talk as frequently about how we might make a greater, more significant investment in the Kingdom. There are many ways to deepen your conversations, but it will never happen unless you begin somewhere.)

5. Do I regularly express my love for her? And do I do it in a way that she knows I recognize and appreciate her inner beauty? Is she convinced that I find her captivating? (I have a “term of endearment” for Pat that works in this way… but you’ll have to think of your own!)

This could go on, but I think you get the point. As husbands, we need to make it our business to take responsibility for the beauty of our wives. It’s a “no lose” proposition!

by Tim Bowditch